Friday Furies 3/9 - School Changes.

Next year i'm supposed to start at a new school. Which, is not really good. i'm not the kind of person that copes well with change, especially as dramatic as this. It happened because we can't really afford to go to a private school anymore, and my parents and i are in the middle of a, *cough* rather large argument at the moment. i have two years of high school to go, after this year. i think the thing is is that i'm scared. i mean, i don't like my school. Most of the teachers are terrible, and chapels are boring, and they push habits of mind and key competencies FAR too much. i don't like it. But they're some things i do like about my school. A few teachers are really amazing. As in, they can actually teach, are passionate about their subject, and someone you can relate to outside of the subject. For example, i really love my music class. i mean, there's only seven of us in it plus the teacher. And we have good times, with cake and everything. i don't really want to talk about all the things i would miss though. Because it's too early to start being all depressed about leaving. As i said before, i'm scared more than anything. Because of who i am, i'm going to find it incredibly difficulty to adapt to an unfamiliar environment with new people and teachers and new everything. i'm not the kind of person that's easy to make friends with, let's be honest. i have no idea how my friends at school at the moment manage to put up with me. But they do, and i love them for it. But how am i going to find someone in a new school who will put up with me and my stupid observations and opinions and habits and everything? i am a very shy person, naturally. If you really know me sometimes that's hard to see. i am [mostly] fine when i'm with people i know and sort of trust. Okay, well, at least some of the time. But the moment you put someone i don't know in there? No. i completely shut down. i go into defense mode. Switch to 'quick do anything it takes to be invisible or at least come across as sort of normal or something' mode. And i just can't function. It take all my energy not to run away, so any attempts at conversation fail, obviously. i just can't do it. i'm too socially awkward to make friends myself. i haven't had much practice at it, see. i have to let people come to me because i simply can't put my side of the deal in. Fuck this.